manifesto 2010

oh look, its 2010, just two years from apocalpyse. while each from the rest of humanity eagerly writes his/her new year's resolutions and then not follow them up with the necessary resoluteness (as usual), i figured id come up with a more enjoyable waste of time. here's a list of things which i hope people will resolve not to do this year. or rather a list of things things which i have decided people should no longer say in 2010, since the following have overstayed my welcome in the 21st century vernacular:

1. "Needless to say, ..."
ok if its needless to say then there should be no need to say it anyway. stop saying it. srsly. damn dulan. krrrrr.

2. "Basically, ...", "Essentially, ...", "Fundamentally,..."
in decreasing order of annoyance level. my doctor said to me while looking at the sphygmomanometer "basically, mr chua, you have hypertension. essentially it means your blood pressure is above normal...so you need to take things easy for now. fundamentally this is indication o-mr chua! mr chua are you ok?" NO I AM NOT OK YOU IDIOT I AM FOAMING AT THE MOUTH.

3. "You know,...", "..., you know, ...", "... you know."
"i was like, you know that guy right, he was like, you know, looking at me all funny like my eyeliner was smudged you know!" no i dunno. i dont want to know. stop telling me. shut up.

4. "My two cents"
ok im guilty of this one last year. i promise not to use it in 2010. its a very irritating phrase. its almost as if stating the value of your opinion as $0.02 would encourage people to listen to you since 2cts > 1ct and we all know we hate it when the Econ auntie gives you 1-cent coin in your change. cb. one day i will collect 180 of them and buy my Coke Zero© with it and see how you like it.

5. "...of sorts"
"The chef took the ingredients and whipped up a delectable concoction of sorts." "The characters in this painting project an unusual feeling onto the viewer, producing an eerie feeling of sorts." this one makes me FURIOUS. you only use of sorts because you are too lazy to come up with a competent description. use dictionary.com. no wait, go flip through a real dictionary you lazy bastard (bitch, if female. *delete if not applicable).

6. "... ad nauseam."
ill explain this one once im done vomitting.

7. "aLtErnAtiNg cAPS. vEwwwy coOlz wOrxzxz T_T ;) @_@"
what not to say when online. anyone not guilty please lick your elbow? all guilty. please dont do that. solve singapores ageing population by having more children not acting like them. ok? thXz ;p ^.^

8. "Unprecedented."
9/11 was unprecedented. its been bloody 9 years since then. every cock and bull story on the news since then has been called unprecedented. unprecedented is when journalists find a new word to use when they are surprised. meanwhile, tomorrow's straits times headline, OIL PRICES SOAR ABOVE US$82:FINANCE MINISTER CALLS INCIDENT "OHNOES SMLJ?!"

eight should do the trick. three would already take monumental effort for some people. so i hereby invoke my will and place the morsels of my integrity upon these eight daring examples of things i will refrain from in 2010.

additionally, i will also give up sarcasm for the entire year. hahah, right.