gregory for dummies

hmm first week of school is over, and tgif right? wrong. the next lesson starts momentarily, so gather round, kids, and listen intently. also, everyone of you knows a friend who always falls asleep during lectures--it is your duty to keep them awake. though there are no tutorials and this course carries 0 AUs and there is no final examination, there are quizzes every day just because i say so. and this lecture will not be uploaded onto edventure so dont be a smart ass and skip the day to make a 4-day week. now if all of you would please stop the chit-chattering, welcome to G101 How to Make Gregory  Do Things. Pay attention:

• how to make gregory puke: eat cheese in front of him
• how to make g puke on your chin: feed him cheese
• how to make g laugh: tell an extremely retarded lame joke that would never make a normal person laugh
• how to make g laugh hysterically: fart in front of him.
• how to make g laugh maniacally: be there when he farts in front of you
• how to make g frown at you: frown at him
• htmg smile at himself: talk to him in his imaginary conversations
• htmg disappointed in you: make a bad decision
• htmg angry with you: disappoint him multiple times
• htmg trust you: trust him
• htmg distrust you: lie to him one time
• htmg trust you again: nil
  
• htmg like you: laugh at his jokes
• htmg love you: laugh at ALL of his jokes
• htmg roll his eyes: add on to his jokes to get extra laughs
• htmg scream: touch his bed without permission
• htmg tell you things: ask him about things
• htmg tell you others' secrets: nil
• htmg tell you his secrets: beyond scope of G101.
• htmg impressed with you: beat him at his own game
• htmg respect you: beat him at his own game multiple times
• htmg admire you: be able to feel things he cannot feel
  
• htmg believe in luck/fate/karma: strike TOTO, retire and invite him to your new bungalow for bbq housewarming
• htmg hopeful: make a promise
  
• htmg heart break: break a promise
• htmg sad: only gregory can make himself sad
• htmg die inside: call him a hypocrite
  
• htmg sick: take him to zouk
• htmg well: feed him green tea
  
• htmg slap your face: tell him that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit (dont try this at home)
• htmg punch you: on request only
• htmg punch you for real: punch his friend
• htmg take your bloody ass down: punch his girlfriend
• htmg cringe: speak with an accent badly
• htmg speak with an accent: speak with an accent well
• htmg hug you: cry. (girls only plz)
• htmg hug you if youre a guy: appear after at least six months of no contact
• htmg feel misunderestimated: call him porn king
  
• htmg feel embarrassed: tell him he got bb
• htmg feel embarrassing confusion: tell him he got ccb
• htmg facepalm: tell him he got clj
• htmg salute you: decipher his aphasia
• htmg want to speak mandarin: exhaust all his other options
• htmg kneel down and beg: refer to above. he would already be kneeling and begging if he is speaking mandarin.
• htmg want to fix things: show him your broken things
  
• htmg want to break things: give him a hammer
• htmg disgusted: smear cheese all over your body
• htmg tell you hes ok: ask him if hes ok
• htmg tell you hes not sad: ask him if hes sad 
• htmg tell you hes not angry: ask him if hes angry
• htmg think you are wise: ask him a question he cannot answer in 3 seconds
• htmg think you are witty: talk less
  
• htmg think it was all worth it: tell him.

lesson is over. please do you homework. and would somebody please wake chase up. tsk tsk.