whispers from my neighborhood

Drapes in my room: they flutter in volumes
As the wind heaves highs and touts its tunes
Of breaths that come gusts that go
This is my neighborhood; the ebb and the flow

Watch it!

gregory for dummies part deux

Lesson 401: Gregory as described by the astrologers, 
18 April 1988, 0824h, 1N16 103E51 

This is a heavy topic for 4th year students only. Study tips: lecturer comments, false information, good to know, very important, sure come out for exam.

Mars in Aquarius 
Rather than working according to established patterns, you want to find your own way, which you hope(know) will be better. As a result you are quite inventive and original. As you get older you will be concerned with the greater good of society. You are quite capable of directing your efforts to goals that will not benefit you personally but will benefit others. Even while you are young, you resent authority. If you are convinced of the importance of a cause, you work better with a group than you do alone.

Saturn in Capricorn 
Saturn is especially at home in this sign, the sign of its rulership, so it is particularly easy to express Saturn's positive traits here, namely, practicality, thrift, orderliness, attention, organization and a strong drive for significant achievements. Your standards are very high, and you may tend to be rather hard on yourself (others) when you don't live up to your expectations. Instead of condemning your weaknesses, you should capitalize on your strengths and use your energies more efficiently. Common sense will always be very important for you, and because you have such a practical mind, you can accomplish a great deal.

Pluto in Scorpio
This placement lasted from 1983 to 1995. Many astrologers believe that Scorpio is the sign that is ruled by Pluto. The children of this era should be much more concerned with the forces underlying the surface of reality. They will put their intelligence to investigating all kinds of phenomena, and it is just possible that they will bring the arts and sciences out of their present stagnation to a new period of dynamic activity. This period will be a time of change that is intense even by twentieth-century standards. (our future is..bright?!)

Venus in Gemini
You like to meet many people and have as many friends as possible, for you love variety. The more people you know, the less bored you are, so you act quite friendly and open. You express yourself in a lively way, and others will probably enjoy your humor and interesting wit (hopefully.). This position of Venus means that you will be interested in art and poetry when you are older. Although you like to know a lot of different people, you are not interested in getting close to them or involved in their lives. It may be hard for you to form a deep attachment to someone.

Taurus Rising
You are very calm and deliberate in your actions. You don't like to move too quickly or act hastily. Sometimes you are quite stubborn, and the more that someone applies pressure, the more firmly you resist. Outwardly, you appear quite calm and self-possessed. It is not that you suppress your feelings, but that your exterior does not reveal them readily. At the same time, you show others an earthy kind of warmth and friendliness. You enjoy comfort and the good things of life.(who doesnt?) 

Mars in the Ninth House 9th hs
You are strongly attached to your own point of view, and if challenged, you will fight very hard for your opinions. You are much more likely to fight for an ideal than for yourself. On one hand, you can be quite self-righteous and narrowly fanatical about your beliefs, but you can also be courageous in defending the rights of those who are downtrodden. You don't get involved just at the mental level; you act on your beliefs. Try not to get so wrapped up in your own views that you won't even consider someone else's. As you get older, you may want to travel around and see quite a bit of the world, which would be a good experience for you.
 
Neptune in the Eighth House 8th hs
You are unusually interested in matters of the mind and in finding out what makes people tick. You see mysterious forces at work in ordinary everyday events that others can see only the surface of. But you must be careful, because you can become rather morbidly obsessed and scared by the strange fantasies that you concoct. Your fears may make it difficult to go about your daily affairs. It is important to realize that these fears are based on what is happening to your mind rather than on anything that exists in the outside world. The best solution for all of these problems is to take up some activity that completely involves both your body and mind and absorbs the energy that would otherwise go into these negative emotional states.

Saturn Conjunct Neptune
You are fearful and tend toward depression. However, if you master its energies, you can learn to live with very little. Many persons with this aspect choose to be unencumbered by material possessions, preferring to live ascetically, with few comforts. And the psychological effect is similar, in that you may have a very great capacity to sacrifice yourself for others or for your beliefs.Basically you must learn to trust, not only other people, but the universe as well. You must believe that circumstances in your life will work out in your favor, because life should be no harder for you than for anyone else

Uranus Conjunct Neptune
This aspect produces a generation that will have a whole new approach to consciousness and idealism. They won't accept the old views of the material universe, and they may initiate new religious philosophies. The same concern with the occult and mystical philosophy that characterized the generation born in the 1940s (Uranus trine Neptune and Uranus square Neptune) will probably rise up again with this generation. However, these children will make a whole new beginning and will not adopt the forms of the old traditions.(blah blah blah) 

Moon Trine Neptune
You have a rich imagination, which you need to express in some way (blogger la). It doesn't matter whether or not your work is "good." It only matters that you express your imagination in some concrete form. Your imagination is so strong it can't be repressed. One way that you express it is by creating your own private fantasy world(catch me when im smiling to myself). You are very emotionally sensitive to other people's feelings, and unfortunately you make their feelings your own. When it comes to taking care of someone, you can be completely selfless. You get total satisfaction just from being of service.

Jupiter Trine Neptune
With this aspect you are likely to be very interested in religion, metaphysics and spiritual matters. You want to know about God, the relation of man to God, and what God means to you in particular. You use your own language and your own imagery in thinking about this, but you are definitely concerned with these ideas quite early in life. Many people with this aspect are quite unselfish. You are able to see that what benefits others benefits you as well. You may become involved in charitable projects, such as taking care of sick, disabled or disadvantaged people. Or you may enjoy taking care of sick or wounded animals. Basically you are an optimist (no link leh). You recognize that the world has its faults, but you feel that on the whole it is all right.

Neptune Trine Ascendant
You are very imaginative and potentially creative. Also you may be quite an idealist about other people. You are very sensitive to what others feel and need. Throughout your life, you will have the capacity to be unselfish and giving in relationships, even preferring a partner who seems to need you rather than someone who is more self- sufficient. This aspect can be a sign of considerable intuition and even psychic ability. Eventually this talent will be quite useful and the source of much creative inspiration in your life. While you are young you are attracted to otherworldly and fantastic interests. Later on in life, this may become an interest in the occult or in spiritual approaches to reality.

Neptune Sextile Pluto
This aspect lasted extremely long. It started in the late 1940s and continues beyond the end of the twentieth century. Therefore, a lot of children were born under this influence, and it is hard to separate its effects from other elements and indications. During this time a lot of beliefs, religious or otherwise, underwent extraordinary changes. Attitudes about organized religion, morality and sexuality were revised completely. The children of this time will probably know the cycles of life better than others. They will realize that it is a natural part of life that everything must die and decay, to be reborn again at another level. This is especially true for inner and spiritual developments but also for their concern about social and human relations. (blah blah more shotgun conjecture)

Lesson over. my skepticism for astrology has been replaced with acknowledgment and calm respect.

altruism

two and a half months ago i saw another stranger who was old and needed to sit down, and before i could stand up i was asked to stand up, and i did, and it wasnt my decision, and i felt used and cheated out of a chance to volunteer. a week ago i wanted to help friend out but after being reminded by someone else that how such help would improve that friends impression of me, my ethic told me to walk away and not help at all, and i decided so, and i felt extremely unhappy. the other day a friend needed help so i walked to some place and i came back with help and i was thanked by someone else, and i felt as if i might have did it for that thanks and i felt cheap. yesterday a stranger with a stroller was struggling with a heavy door and i held it open and another stranger smiled at me, and i tried to ignore it and i felt uncomfortable.

i figured that there had to be something bad going on inside of me. i realised i hate being used. i hate being pressured into doing good deeds for praise. i hate being praised for doing something simple. i hate people who do good deeds for praise and i hate that i might be one of them.

i realised that societies today have a disfigured view of righteousness; people are performing selfless acts for earthly rewards like recognition from man and are anticipating reciprocation of such acts--in the form of thank yous and pats on the back and looks of respect and the accumulation of points. people are boasting that they do this and do that for the hungry and for the disabled and for the weak and for the poor...all for the praise of man. all for material acknowledgement. post-modern confucianism has really corrupted minds to the point where young people think it is trendy and socially mandatory to respect their elders when the truth is that everyone deserves the same amount respect, including each and everyone of those youngsters themselves. altruism is not sacrificing personal need for the benefit of an older person, but rather for the benefit of any person other than self. fuck confucianism. i digress, but i swear to come back to this topic in the future.

an altruistic act is when a living thing assists another living thing at personal cost with zero expectation of reward. i say this knowing that there are true altruists out there--good people who derive their rewards intrinsically, and are similarly so motivated to continue sacrificing for that warm feeling they get, not the praise from man nor even the promise of heavenly reward. and so i come shakily to the conclusion that a good act cannot be said to be altruistic if the reward comes from an external source. whether one chooses to accept that reward or not is a null issue. to me, a simple pat on the back from a third party is good enough to destroy the meaning in my effort.

so it really irks me that today i can no longer offer my hand to someone who needs it without second-guessing myself--if i am really doing it for them or doing it for me. i wonder if it is still possible for me to be a genuine altruist nowadays. it is easy for someone to undo my good acts so i choose to do it secretly, but even so, it is easier for myself to undo them because i now possess this knowledge and am thus more likely to scrutinise my own intentions with cynicism in the future. i apologise if after reading this, you too, start doubting yourself.

"When you give to someone in need, don't do as the hypocrites do--blowing trumpets in the synagogues and streets to call attention to their acts of charity! I tell you the truth, they have received all the reward they will ever get." - Matthew 6:2, NLT

they say people change

when they say "people change", they dont often know what they are talking about. i could even venture to say that jung was wrong on this matter. sorry, i mean he could be wrong on this matter.

it should be common knowledge that every single person who is psychologically sound would have a jungian persona with which he or she, the conciousness, uses to mediate with the external world, a world of other people, a world of nature, a world of reality. the layman like you or me would be familiar with this concept in the form of us adapting or conforming our outer personality in the presence of different groups of people; we are different persons when dealing with different people.

in a loose sense one might extrapolate this basic comprehension of psychoanalytics to really understand what the terms down-to-earth or multi-faceted mean when we describe the personalities we are used to being around with every day--the former suggests a persona congruent with the conscious self and it is a rare and greatly loved personality trait. the latter suggests an overly developed persona asymmetric to the actual ego, or "mask" which is the basis of the word's latin etymology. for the latter i dare posit what jung didnt: that it is highly possible that people have been practising and still do so--the creation, utilisation, nurturing and even the cherishing of multiple masks.

it is an extremely popular view that "people change" when on the contrary im much more comfortable with the notion that individuals simply go through stages of the development of their own unique personas, with the assumed goal of creating a mask that fits exactly onto the face of consciousness, creating a perfect mould of self--in effect a persona with all the utility of communicative versatility but without the deception of artificial colours. a perfect personality; in essence: down-to-earthness. highly rare, extremely fascinating. i have seen few; met fewer; loved one; loving one today.

"people" do not "change". personas do...as they should...as per natural self-discovery. "people", the whole selves are constants waiting to be truly represented by a competent image of a mask. and a character in a lifetime will typically go through multiples upon multiples of personas in an unconscious bid to create the best-fitting face. some will overdo it, creating exorbitantly extravagant pieces that completely shroud and eventually strangulate the self into oblivion; creating a mask behind which there is no man. thankfully this is also extremely rare.

and you dont even have to try hard to see through masks. when you do that, you see the real person inside, and can truly appreciate someone for who they really are, such that when bad things or good things develop in the mask throughout the course of reliable, old time, you would be rewarded with the assurance that you know somebody for real and not instead be surprised with superficial changes in their personas and tell yourself things like "oh wow he/shes different now. i guess people change."

because people do not change. it is up to you to focus your eyes on the persona or the person. one is chaotic and mostly meaningless; one is tranquil and ultimately everything you could, would and should know about somebody.

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misunderestimated part deux

when i was eight our teacher asked everyone to each stand up and tell the rest of the class about their favourite book in the world. all the kids stood up one by one, and a pattern became clear. the boys were the roger hargreaves's and the girls were the enid blyton's. there were the weird r.l stine's and the even weirder russell lee's but as my fellow classmates stood up and sat down it became more and more clear to me that though i found those books to be quite enjoyable reads, they werent really the same as my favourite book in the world.

and so when it arrived at my turn i wasnt so sure about myself. but i stood up and told everyone anyway:

"my favourite book is the dictionary!"

i cant remember what ms hayati said to me then or how many people laughed but i completely recall that after that day,

i stopped liking all books.

optimism

your alarm clock rings at 7.30am, you hit the snooze faster than you can think "shit, its time to get up", faster than the time it takes for you to drift back into slumber, back into whatever dream you were dreaming, or lack of a dream you werent dreaming. and before long it wakes you up again, and you hit snooze again. the third time the clock does it you open one eye, and peek through the curtains a grey ominous sky that looks as if it is about to unleash unforgiving rain. you realise at this point you cant roll back into bed because you already hit snooze thrice. you curse into the pillow with "fuck." if you dont get up now, youll be late for work/school.

you stumble into the washroom, relieve yourself and freshen up and before you leave the toilet you take a look at your reflection in the mirror that hasnt been cleaned in ages. you encounter a visage upon which there is neither relief nor freshness.

you take off your comfortable pajamas and put on garb that is much less so. the shirt looks good to you only because you think other people might think so. you slip on shoes that match. its starting to drizzle; you grab some newspaper.

you hop on the bicycle and its harder than ever to pedal. you cannot drop into a lower gear because the derailleur is stuck. its raining now, your newspaper is wet and your nice shoes are soaking. your hair is in your face. youre thinking to yourself "this is my life." and the stars respond by sending a black mercedes whizzing past you, emptying a curbside puddle of muddy rainwater onto your left side. you want to cycle faster but you cant; each push is harder than the previous because the road ahead is ramping uphill. you cant tell if the water running down your face is mud or rain or tears. you feel cold.

then you wake up and touch your cheeks; they are wet. it is 7.25 am. it is saturday. the sun is peeking through the curtains. on your phone there are unread messages from your friends saying good morning. you smell pancakes. you feel warm. you touch your cheeks and they are wet not by mud or by rain; for sure they must be tears.

what kind? doesnt matter, all you know is that you can roll back into bed.

things on my mind lately

1. this table
2. this table
3. this table
4. carl jung
5. my room
6. salvation
7. individuation
8. new clothes
9. this table
10. this table

5 in 54

innocence curiosity admiration enchantment adoration sparks bliss satisfaction hunger fire smoke dust holdingon choking tearing lettinggo disappointment pain blame God nature acceptance forgiveness growth maturity annealing resistance versatility rigidity controversy tranquility paradoxes conclusions impersonality blackening darkening enlightenment completeness asexuality heterosexuality beauty curiosity enchantment adoration sparks bliss dissatisfaction hunger fire incompleteness confusion obfuscation heart reality.

gregory for dummies

hmm first week of school is over, and tgif right? wrong. the next lesson starts momentarily, so gather round, kids, and listen intently. also, everyone of you knows a friend who always falls asleep during lectures--it is your duty to keep them awake. though there are no tutorials and this course carries 0 AUs and there is no final examination, there are quizzes every day just because i say so. and this lecture will not be uploaded onto edventure so dont be a smart ass and skip the day to make a 4-day week. now if all of you would please stop the chit-chattering, welcome to G101 How to Make Gregory  Do Things. Pay attention:

• how to make gregory puke: eat cheese in front of him
• how to make g puke on your chin: feed him cheese
• how to make g laugh: tell an extremely retarded lame joke that would never make a normal person laugh
• how to make g laugh hysterically: fart in front of him.
• how to make g laugh maniacally: be there when he farts in front of you
• how to make g frown at you: frown at him
• htmg smile at himself: talk to him in his imaginary conversations
• htmg disappointed in you: make a bad decision
• htmg angry with you: disappoint him multiple times
• htmg trust you: trust him
• htmg distrust you: lie to him one time
• htmg trust you again: nil
  
• htmg like you: laugh at his jokes
• htmg love you: laugh at ALL of his jokes
• htmg roll his eyes: add on to his jokes to get extra laughs
• htmg scream: touch his bed without permission
• htmg tell you things: ask him about things
• htmg tell you others' secrets: nil
• htmg tell you his secrets: beyond scope of G101.
• htmg impressed with you: beat him at his own game
• htmg respect you: beat him at his own game multiple times
• htmg admire you: be able to feel things he cannot feel
  
• htmg believe in luck/fate/karma: strike TOTO, retire and invite him to your new bungalow for bbq housewarming
• htmg hopeful: make a promise
  
• htmg heart break: break a promise
• htmg sad: only gregory can make himself sad
• htmg die inside: call him a hypocrite
  
• htmg sick: take him to zouk
• htmg well: feed him green tea
  
• htmg slap your face: tell him that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit (dont try this at home)
• htmg punch you: on request only
• htmg punch you for real: punch his friend
• htmg take your bloody ass down: punch his girlfriend
• htmg cringe: speak with an accent badly
• htmg speak with an accent: speak with an accent well
• htmg hug you: cry. (girls only plz)
• htmg hug you if youre a guy: appear after at least six months of no contact
• htmg feel misunderestimated: call him porn king
  
• htmg feel embarrassed: tell him he got bb
• htmg feel embarrassing confusion: tell him he got ccb
• htmg facepalm: tell him he got clj
• htmg salute you: decipher his aphasia
• htmg want to speak mandarin: exhaust all his other options
• htmg kneel down and beg: refer to above. he would already be kneeling and begging if he is speaking mandarin.
• htmg want to fix things: show him your broken things
  
• htmg want to break things: give him a hammer
• htmg disgusted: smear cheese all over your body
• htmg tell you hes ok: ask him if hes ok
• htmg tell you hes not sad: ask him if hes sad 
• htmg tell you hes not angry: ask him if hes angry
• htmg think you are wise: ask him a question he cannot answer in 3 seconds
• htmg think you are witty: talk less
  
• htmg think it was all worth it: tell him.

lesson is over. please do you homework. and would somebody please wake chase up. tsk tsk.

misunderestimated

its not really a word, but if a former us president used it, then it must be worth using. who says republicans are dummies? oh wait i did. anyhoo..

the thing about gossip is that its so fulfilling to produce and even more titillating to consume, creating an inherently self-sustaining, all-devouring snake weve all come to love being coiled around and squeezed by. i dont mean to describe it like a terrible monster, in fact, its more like a sesame street serpent which is striped in 65536 colours, and honestly, who doesnt love rainbows?

this beautiful stomach-walker, as it seems, grows more convoluted with the increasing number of hands that feed it, and erupts in evergrowing vibrance of color with the increasing number of fingers that stroke it. to paraquote a friend, "people add a little something of their own when they tell a story, and people add a little something of their own whilst they are listening to one." you start with a harmless little annelid, and you end up with something like this.

sometimes people arent prepared for a creature like that; it really scares the shit out of them, especially when it comes around the corner and bites them in the cheeks (the bigger cheeks). and relationships are disrupted all the time because of it; because someone or somemany recklessly fed a harmless little worm and somebody got a hurt real bad (ty russell peters) by the huge snake that grew from it. i guess im just lucky that im quite immune to snake venom, albeit only coincidentally, because i dont live upon the status of my reputation with society. today a snake bit me, and as usual i was all "meh.., whatever" but it was the second or third bite already, and it was the same snake! at that point i thought "should i just kill it now?" and then i thought "you know what, i was responsible for showing the worm to people in the first place, so i cant be going around killing them just because it grew into something troublesome".

after all, gossip is a prism that switches white light into a myriad of hued rays that although point in all the wrong directions, still produces light; though they are heavily coloured, some of those rays are pointing in the right ones.

all said and done, it is important to note that everyone has their personal can of worms, and the important lesson i learnt is to keep it open and learn to deal with the venom after the released ones have passed through the prism of gossip; rather than to keep the lid on your can of worms tightly sealed, or worse, then proceed to hide it in a safe dark place. of course you can still do this, likely only to chance upon a wild snake that grew from a worm that someone else fraudulently planted at your feet because gossippers couldnt get to the real worms that you hid so well. then you die from that wild snake's bite because the poison from such--almost no one is immune to. and it takes one hell of a fight to bring such a snake down--and if it goes down, it takes your relationships down with it, not by mere disruption, but by absolute implosion. so unless you enjoy picking up pieces and rebuilding stuff that shouldnt break, keep it open and learn to deal, or if youre one of those mega-rare saint types in potentia, stop populating your can.

fate

we are special creatures arent we? the only animal that has not only the physical capability but the mental capacity and a definite history in choosing to kill others of its own species for no reason similarly applicable to the rest of the living kingdom. the only animal that, also on the above premises can choose to sacrifice itself for some greater purpose, again an unknown concept in the rest of the animal world

dictionary calls it good and evil. i call it choice. choice or the hand of God: if you chose to slap your college professor and did, was your criminal assault God's plan? if you chose to set fire to a house and did, and four children died in the smoke and ruin, was your arson and homicide God's plan? if you chose to fly a jetliner into a skyscraper and did, and three thousand people perished, was your mass murder God's plan? if you chose to lead your nation into a new world order of one sole superior race by exterminating millions as means to that end and did,...i can go on with scenarios of sequentially increasing bodycounts, but i neednt. this is where most would take the easy road out and answer safely "yes, it was all part of God's plan."

choice is a divine power that the Creator bestowed on us, a power used for even the most meagre dilemmas such as which sauce to put on your Subway sandwich, the very same power to reckon with the weight of the world, such as the finger that rests next to the red button that launches 5500 nuclear warheads across hemispheres. people have this biased perception of God's omnipotence and omniscience, such that He is the reason for all the good things displayed of humankind, but not the bad things. people neglect to use the same wording, but instead call it part of His Plan. if i asked ten people if God planned for me to choose honey mustard for my cold cut trio, id get weird stares and no useful answer. but if i asked them if God planned the holocaust, suddenly i am taken seriously, but expectedly id get ten answers to the tune of God not having been the one who planned it but having it in His plan, or some similarly cheap semantic trick to conveniently relieve God of responsibility for the ugliest photographs of our past.

before you misunderstand me for blasphemy, i think the only thing God is responsible for is having created us with the express permission to deny Him. every single one of our actions from the ones that seemingly make no discernible impact to the world, to the ones that change the universe as we know it on a daily basis--those actions, we are solely and completely responsible for. that must be the case, for if it were not, we cannot reasonably nor fairly be put next to the pulpit on judgment day and weighed and measured at the doors of hell and sent to eternal damnation for unforgiveable evils committed in subservience to the vice-grip of destiny. neither can God come up to our side and greet us at the Gates and say "My son, my daughter, you have made me proud and are worthy of being by my side for the rest of eternity" if our acts of goodwill were of His own doing in the first place.

i believe that God simply made the paper but gave us the pen, for there is little meaning in life for us or even for Him creating us if He simply wrote all the books and had us individually narrate them to him, from prologue to la fin. yes, i can agree that God has a vision for each and every one of those stories; i understand this to be the truth behind what preachers would tell you in church: God has a plan for you. but i also understand that His plans dont always pan out because people either gave up writing, or threw away their pens, or wrote lies, or tore out the pages, or drew ugly pictures, or had bad handwriting or they simply chose Satan to be their editor instead. neither fate or destiny determined the endings to any one of those stories. pure choice. God gave adam and eve that power. and guess what, He gave you that power, why deny your God-given potential by claiming subordination to an unknown force that the defeatists are so familiar with?

if destiny/fate determined a fixed end point in your life, then destiny/fate must also be the decider of whether you end up in heaven or hell for eternity. hell was created for a reason, and as such there will be occupants. ie, if some people end up in hell, and fate controls all endings, then some people are fated to end up in hell. so i ask now: how might it irk you to consider that there are some people on this earth or even some yet to be born onto it who are fated to go to hell? what a lachrymose image: from before the moment you were born God already planned for some of you to end up burning in sulphur and brimstone for the rest of eternity!

outrageous. if all the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players, then God is not the director; He is the audience.

shoes

its obvious this wouldnt work

while its understandable that this is boring,

or that this is really something

as much as this is ridiculous.

and while this is kinky,

this is probably illegal in most states!

durians

durians are naturally sharp and thorny, cf. a coconut, which has a thick, hard but ultimately smooth and unassuming husk. now the reason both are so could conceivably be because of some necessity to protect what is seated within. think about it, when somebody says hmmm durian, you tend not to think of the green, poky stuff, but rather the yellow, soft stuff. hmmm durian. SEE?! no? really no? bluffer.

anyhoo, on a side note, only two jungle animals get to discover the secrets of the durian every now and then. the tiger, with nature's approval in the form of brute strength, and the monkey, with God's blessing in the form of tool mastery. something tells me the monkey appreciates a good durian way more than the tiger does.

a durian is so mysterious. you always know somethings going on because you can smell it, but try to sniff it out too closely and you get poked in the fase. plus, you never know if its the sweet kind or the bitter kind or the bittersweet kind. or just plain rotten inside. whatever it is, you wont know until you get past that green carapace of cutters. or more accurately, you dont get to know most of the time. thats the point. (ohhhhh Lord forgive me the cheap pun i deserve to be punished!)

why are durians like that? its prolly intentional. the spikes scream get the fuck away from me bitch, which seems like a reasonable thing to say considering being eaten is highly unlikely to be an enjoyable affair; this of course, coming from the perspective of a normal human being (i, on the other hand might actually enjoy it. whoops topic for a different post).. but the whole concept also sings irony because why would durians not want to be eaten when they taste so damn good? and i suspect they know it! what kind of sick game are they playing? stupid paraduxrian so annoying! i want to box one but i cant!!!

someone asked me last year what would i want to eat for the last time just before i die. yup, same answer this year. im so consistent. somebody give me a medal.

durians are available most of the time, but good durians only come along once in awhile. one thing about durians is that after having some, your breath, burp, fart and pee all smell like durian. cool huh. holy shit, is this blog weird or what?

not as weird as durians!

take me to my mother

"Why your name put Sunday in the cell? Why you want to be in the cell? Sunday go to church and be blessed!"

"Ok."

aphasia part deux! nah...

.(: end the. thanks, though still but. work nor school in you help not will that skill great a learnt have you today. hobby my about reading for thanks.

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aeroplanes

we love a good flight now and then.

the take-off is exhilarating, the view, breathtaking, the destination, faraway, and the journey, unforgettable. burned in memory, from a personal experience with the cocktail that is serotonin, dopamine and adrenaline churned thoroughly by the rare but inevitable meetings with turbulence that the Captain warned us about; simmered well by the peaceful ebb and flow of our great voyage through time. reliable, dependable time.

some fly most days of the year. theyve sat in all kinds of seats save the pilot's. all the airlines love them for it, giving them cards to put in their purses. everybody loves a frequent flier. and who doesnt want a free flight every once in awhile? great new experiences that feel different every single time, just a phone call away.

but some have never flown, and then some promise never to fly again, from fear of the unknown or respectively, fear of the too well known. some have irrational aviophobia born of reports of crashes and hijackings or just have simple intolerance to vertigo. then there are responses from the superrational in bids to avoid costly travel fares, flight delays, an angry crew glad to have them off the craft or even, quite disappointingly, boarding the wrong flight and regretting everything single aspect except the much awaited landing.

but even they might be considered the lucky some compared to the rest who can no longer get past the gates even if they wanted to, because they lost their travel documents, or because their visas were denied, or because they couldnt clear security, or because they couldnt renew their passports on time, or because immigration officer found them to be flagged on the list, or even quite disappointingly, because the lady at the counter simply said no due to complications with the baggage...

but with grave effort fueled by a motivation yet invisible to me, some manage to overcome these obstacles, only to find their names absent from the flight manifest, befuddled and completely lost--for all seems over. some give up there.

some decide to to take the boat. some arrive at the ports only to find empty docks and word that their ship has sailed. more give up.

the rest walk, feet riddled with callouses, plagued by blisters every now and again lifting up their worn chins to ease their aching necks, gritting their teeth in front parched tongues, squinting sweat and sun out of tired eyes, only to once again see amongst the clouds, little aeroplanes tracing long lines in the great sky above. and they set their gaze forward, carry on walking, arms outstretched, casting on the grass, shadows of wings they know will always be there wherever and whenever. shadowy, but no less reliable, dependable, wings.

manifesto 2010

oh look, its 2010, just two years from apocalpyse. while each from the rest of humanity eagerly writes his/her new year's resolutions and then not follow them up with the necessary resoluteness (as usual), i figured id come up with a more enjoyable waste of time. here's a list of things which i hope people will resolve not to do this year. or rather a list of things things which i have decided people should no longer say in 2010, since the following have overstayed my welcome in the 21st century vernacular:

1. "Needless to say, ..."
ok if its needless to say then there should be no need to say it anyway. stop saying it. srsly. damn dulan. krrrrr.

2. "Basically, ...", "Essentially, ...", "Fundamentally,..."
in decreasing order of annoyance level. my doctor said to me while looking at the sphygmomanometer "basically, mr chua, you have hypertension. essentially it means your blood pressure is above normal...so you need to take things easy for now. fundamentally this is indication o-mr chua! mr chua are you ok?" NO I AM NOT OK YOU IDIOT I AM FOAMING AT THE MOUTH.

3. "You know,...", "..., you know, ...", "... you know."
"i was like, you know that guy right, he was like, you know, looking at me all funny like my eyeliner was smudged you know!" no i dunno. i dont want to know. stop telling me. shut up.

4. "My two cents"
ok im guilty of this one last year. i promise not to use it in 2010. its a very irritating phrase. its almost as if stating the value of your opinion as $0.02 would encourage people to listen to you since 2cts > 1ct and we all know we hate it when the Econ auntie gives you 1-cent coin in your change. cb. one day i will collect 180 of them and buy my Coke Zero© with it and see how you like it.

5. "...of sorts"
"The chef took the ingredients and whipped up a delectable concoction of sorts." "The characters in this painting project an unusual feeling onto the viewer, producing an eerie feeling of sorts." this one makes me FURIOUS. you only use of sorts because you are too lazy to come up with a competent description. use dictionary.com. no wait, go flip through a real dictionary you lazy bastard (bitch, if female. *delete if not applicable).

6. "... ad nauseam."
ill explain this one once im done vomitting.

7. "aLtErnAtiNg cAPS. vEwwwy coOlz wOrxzxz T_T ;) @_@"
what not to say when online. anyone not guilty please lick your elbow? all guilty. please dont do that. solve singapores ageing population by having more children not acting like them. ok? thXz ;p ^.^

8. "Unprecedented."
9/11 was unprecedented. its been bloody 9 years since then. every cock and bull story on the news since then has been called unprecedented. unprecedented is when journalists find a new word to use when they are surprised. meanwhile, tomorrow's straits times headline, OIL PRICES SOAR ABOVE US$82:FINANCE MINISTER CALLS INCIDENT "OHNOES SMLJ?!"

eight should do the trick. three would already take monumental effort for some people. so i hereby invoke my will and place the morsels of my integrity upon these eight daring examples of things i will refrain from in 2010.

additionally, i will also give up sarcasm for the entire year. hahah, right.