Monday, February 01, 2010

chased

hi, my best friend from primary school. havent you in years. hows it been? good great. youre in ntu too? wow. oh youre doing this module now? i did it last sem! hmm? uh i got A+. why are u so surprised? yup. haha. ok wait ill show you on degree audit...

wait..damn my iphone isnt working. uh youve gotta go? what time is it? oh 1:26? shit i have Labs. well cya then.

i dash out the door, and jump down an entire flight of stairs. ouch, my ankles. a boy appears ahead of me. he is wearing a dark blue hoodie, without the hood on. he turns back to look at me as if to say "hurry up" and i get the message. i hop over a drain and run past a corner. i cant seem to close my distance. he's still just as far ahead. can you slow down?

i am slowing down. its not that my legs are heavy...they just feel, extremely slow. i want to walk faster but they feel like wet starch--it flows and it moves but if you push it real fast, it hardens--it moves just as fast as it wants to--not a tad faster. its annoying. its frustrating. i have to get to class. i feel like im trying to run underwater. the faster i move my legs, the less likely i am to move at all.... and this boy is still in front, asking me to move faster. i cant. i want to. im trying to! but i cant!

he fishes an umbrella out of his bag. i wonder what its for. he opens it to shelter his head. i wonder why. it isnt even sunny. and then it starts to rain. the boy is even further away now. i can barely see him through the sheets of droplets. im still moving half as fast as i want to. he turns back to face me again, looking at me over his shoulder, with furrowed eyebrows, not of impatience but rather...encouragement.

i lift my wrist to look at the time. oh right, i dont wear watches. i look at my iphone. hey, the website finished loading. there it is. my A+. i put it back in my pocket because its getting wet from the rain. immediately i remember why i took it out in the first place, and i take it out again to look at the time. 3:26pm. suddenly i feel like i dont need to go for class anymore. the release from that burden feels...peaceful. i look up and the boy isnt there anymore.

i wake up. oh it's still monday. that was a puzzling dream. usually im running away from something. this time i was running towards something. i guess its still a problem if in all of these chase dreams, i am always unable to run. how long did this afternoon nap take out of my day? i look at my iphone lying next to me, on the bed. time: 3:26pm.

fuck..

ps. 6 july 2010 i have come to the conclusion that i can no longer run in my dreams due to physiological reasons. the sensation that i feel in my legs is nothing more than the fact that legs feel exactly that way when youre sleeping; they are deactivated and heavy and hard to move. trying to run in a dream translates to trying to run in bed--and rather than thinking my legs refuse to obey, i should have realised that they couldnt even if they were that sentient. why do my legs feel heavy and lazy in my dreams? someone said to me "thats exactly how legs feel when youre asleep."

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