durians

durians are naturally sharp and thorny, cf. a coconut, which has a thick, hard but ultimately smooth and unassuming husk. now the reason both are so could conceivably be because of some necessity to protect what is seated within. think about it, when somebody says hmmm durian, you tend not to think of the green, poky stuff, but rather the yellow, soft stuff. hmmm durian. SEE?! no? really no? bluffer.

anyhoo, on a side note, only two jungle animals get to discover the secrets of the durian every now and then. the tiger, with nature's approval in the form of brute strength, and the monkey, with God's blessing in the form of tool mastery. something tells me the monkey appreciates a good durian way more than the tiger does.

a durian is so mysterious. you always know somethings going on because you can smell it, but try to sniff it out too closely and you get poked in the fase. plus, you never know if its the sweet kind or the bitter kind or the bittersweet kind. or just plain rotten inside. whatever it is, you wont know until you get past that green carapace of cutters. or more accurately, you dont get to know most of the time. thats the point. (ohhhhh Lord forgive me the cheap pun i deserve to be punished!)

why are durians like that? its prolly intentional. the spikes scream get the fuck away from me bitch, which seems like a reasonable thing to say considering being eaten is highly unlikely to be an enjoyable affair; this of course, coming from the perspective of a normal human being (i, on the other hand might actually enjoy it. whoops topic for a different post).. but the whole concept also sings irony because why would durians not want to be eaten when they taste so damn good? and i suspect they know it! what kind of sick game are they playing? stupid paraduxrian so annoying! i want to box one but i cant!!!

someone asked me last year what would i want to eat for the last time just before i die. yup, same answer this year. im so consistent. somebody give me a medal.

durians are available most of the time, but good durians only come along once in awhile. one thing about durians is that after having some, your breath, burp, fart and pee all smell like durian. cool huh. holy shit, is this blog weird or what?

not as weird as durians!

take me to my mother

"Why your name put Sunday in the cell? Why you want to be in the cell? Sunday go to church and be blessed!"

"Ok."

aphasia part deux! nah...

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aeroplanes

we love a good flight now and then.

the take-off is exhilarating, the view, breathtaking, the destination, faraway, and the journey, unforgettable. burned in memory, from a personal experience with the cocktail that is serotonin, dopamine and adrenaline churned thoroughly by the rare but inevitable meetings with turbulence that the Captain warned us about; simmered well by the peaceful ebb and flow of our great voyage through time. reliable, dependable time.

some fly most days of the year. theyve sat in all kinds of seats save the pilot's. all the airlines love them for it, giving them cards to put in their purses. everybody loves a frequent flier. and who doesnt want a free flight every once in awhile? great new experiences that feel different every single time, just a phone call away.

but some have never flown, and then some promise never to fly again, from fear of the unknown or respectively, fear of the too well known. some have irrational aviophobia born of reports of crashes and hijackings or just have simple intolerance to vertigo. then there are responses from the superrational in bids to avoid costly travel fares, flight delays, an angry crew glad to have them off the craft or even, quite disappointingly, boarding the wrong flight and regretting everything single aspect except the much awaited landing.

but even they might be considered the lucky some compared to the rest who can no longer get past the gates even if they wanted to, because they lost their travel documents, or because their visas were denied, or because they couldnt clear security, or because they couldnt renew their passports on time, or because immigration officer found them to be flagged on the list, or even quite disappointingly, because the lady at the counter simply said no due to complications with the baggage...

but with grave effort fueled by a motivation yet invisible to me, some manage to overcome these obstacles, only to find their names absent from the flight manifest, befuddled and completely lost--for all seems over. some give up there.

some decide to to take the boat. some arrive at the ports only to find empty docks and word that their ship has sailed. more give up.

the rest walk, feet riddled with callouses, plagued by blisters every now and again lifting up their worn chins to ease their aching necks, gritting their teeth in front parched tongues, squinting sweat and sun out of tired eyes, only to once again see amongst the clouds, little aeroplanes tracing long lines in the great sky above. and they set their gaze forward, carry on walking, arms outstretched, casting on the grass, shadows of wings they know will always be there wherever and whenever. shadowy, but no less reliable, dependable, wings.

manifesto 2010

oh look, its 2010, just two years from apocalpyse. while each from the rest of humanity eagerly writes his/her new year's resolutions and then not follow them up with the necessary resoluteness (as usual), i figured id come up with a more enjoyable waste of time. here's a list of things which i hope people will resolve not to do this year. or rather a list of things things which i have decided people should no longer say in 2010, since the following have overstayed my welcome in the 21st century vernacular:

1. "Needless to say, ..."
ok if its needless to say then there should be no need to say it anyway. stop saying it. srsly. damn dulan. krrrrr.

2. "Basically, ...", "Essentially, ...", "Fundamentally,..."
in decreasing order of annoyance level. my doctor said to me while looking at the sphygmomanometer "basically, mr chua, you have hypertension. essentially it means your blood pressure is above normal...so you need to take things easy for now. fundamentally this is indication o-mr chua! mr chua are you ok?" NO I AM NOT OK YOU IDIOT I AM FOAMING AT THE MOUTH.

3. "You know,...", "..., you know, ...", "... you know."
"i was like, you know that guy right, he was like, you know, looking at me all funny like my eyeliner was smudged you know!" no i dunno. i dont want to know. stop telling me. shut up.

4. "My two cents"
ok im guilty of this one last year. i promise not to use it in 2010. its a very irritating phrase. its almost as if stating the value of your opinion as $0.02 would encourage people to listen to you since 2cts > 1ct and we all know we hate it when the Econ auntie gives you 1-cent coin in your change. cb. one day i will collect 180 of them and buy my Coke Zero© with it and see how you like it.

5. "...of sorts"
"The chef took the ingredients and whipped up a delectable concoction of sorts." "The characters in this painting project an unusual feeling onto the viewer, producing an eerie feeling of sorts." this one makes me FURIOUS. you only use of sorts because you are too lazy to come up with a competent description. use dictionary.com. no wait, go flip through a real dictionary you lazy bastard (bitch, if female. *delete if not applicable).

6. "... ad nauseam."
ill explain this one once im done vomitting.

7. "aLtErnAtiNg cAPS. vEwwwy coOlz wOrxzxz T_T ;) @_@"
what not to say when online. anyone not guilty please lick your elbow? all guilty. please dont do that. solve singapores ageing population by having more children not acting like them. ok? thXz ;p ^.^

8. "Unprecedented."
9/11 was unprecedented. its been bloody 9 years since then. every cock and bull story on the news since then has been called unprecedented. unprecedented is when journalists find a new word to use when they are surprised. meanwhile, tomorrow's straits times headline, OIL PRICES SOAR ABOVE US$82:FINANCE MINISTER CALLS INCIDENT "OHNOES SMLJ?!"

eight should do the trick. three would already take monumental effort for some people. so i hereby invoke my will and place the morsels of my integrity upon these eight daring examples of things i will refrain from in 2010.

additionally, i will also give up sarcasm for the entire year. hahah, right.