rules part trois

alot of times, society and its expectations clash with mine and every single time i have no trouble with chucking out the window what others think about me, my thoughts and my actions.

i believe there are too many rules in the world we live in. so many of them fail to enforce what needs to be enforced, and even more overstep boundaries by controlling what neednt be controlled; people dont understand each other, and therefore dont deserve to decide for one another. which human being out there is so special that he can tell us what is best, what is worst, what we like, what we need, what we hate, what we have, what we cannot have? who? who except yourself?

many rules fall short in front me. it is probably because i have my own standards, and that they are often so high that everything under it becomes worthless. why do i even set the bar so high, such that even i myself rarely meet its lower edge?

i need to be able to look in the mirror and see someone at his highest potential; i cannot do that with a bar resting on my shoulders can i? i push it up high above me, and everyone around must go through this very same doorway to earn the same respect i give to my reflection in that mirror. granted, its often only a small amount of acknowledgment, if any at all, but whatever i demand of the public, i demand first of myself.

if i find myself unable to accede to my own demands, neither will i blame the rest for being unable to succeed. nevertheless, all these people are still failures in my eyes under that bar that i have set. i shall not sugarcoat: failures are failures. the most fair encouragement that i can give to them is that they are no worse failures than i am--the one who set the bar and did not meet it.

but i didnt really say why i even bother doing this to myself. i suspect it is the only way to live life knowing that it could not have been better, that everything that could have been done was done, that save for unforseeable, uncontrollable forces of the universe, this life thus far has been lived by me in the best possible way. i.e, this is the best possible outcome and so nothing stands to be regretted: this must be one of the meanings of life.

i believe in living by rules--just not those made by others. rules define who you are; a lawless person is unreliable--he is a rogue. but if strange rules are forced upon me, i may abide, and if any of these prevents me from finding my meaning in life, i will strike each one down like a footman strikes down his enemy.

i have my own personal code. anything from another code that contradicts my code will be discarded. let anyone who is afraid of this just take heart and hope that there might actually be some honorable things in my moral book that redeems me from being completely evil and out to destroy the law.

actually i dont really care. if rules of etiquette and expectations of conformity claim that i am anarchist, let it be so. i am anarchy. i give up. rules part trois. let this be the last time i write about it to defend myself.