my apology for future transgressions

i am sorry but that is just how it is how i was made in the beginning to how i remade myself from the pieces into a harder colder steel that bends in thoughts and words but never in actions a steel that reacts to darkness and warmth just like but no longer quite the same a scaffolding steel without which i am a shack on shaky stilts that threaten to give in and collapse me into a pile of nothing and nothingness is what i would not necessarily choose even if my other choice was death so go easy on the judgement or otherwise try not to look so confused because this i tell you though still in present will be past when i do transgress against you in the future--i am and have already apologised so i am moving on with or without your forgiveness since i rust just the same either way

ps 17 jan 2010 there is no way this could ever work. what was i thinking.

ps 29 apr 2010 i invoke this today. the amount i do, though big to me, tends to be little to some. i invoke this post today.