karma chameleon

so this has been at the back of my head keeping me up till 3 and staring at the ceiling for the past 4 days. need to write this down once and for all so i can sleep tonight.

it seems like the hindu cycle of causation is being taken too literally nowadays, such that altruism as a potentially rewarding way of life is reduced to a bastardised teaching of giving to get. that somehow there is a cosmic auditing company keeping tally of our thoughts and actions, and adding up their value in supposed virtue is already quite dubious. that we are to accept that our futures yet unwritten are dependent on the dividends of our deposits in those karmic accounts is bordering on ludicrous.

assuming even that the concept of karma is sound, it has never even been taught in hindu scripture that all our supposed dues be paid in the same lifetime. in fact it has been explicitly stated that that is impossible--that one lifetime is simply too short for one to experience all your karmas, and as such some will overflow into your next life and by extension any supposed fortune or misfortune befalling you today might and very likely have been due to actions from a past life.

of course now we are to acknowledge the concept of samsara. which if i did, i'd hope i wouldnt be a roach in my next life because id hate the way i walked, smelt and looked. i'd find the nearest Baygon canister and eat the nozzle.

but then i'd just be reborn as a human eventually, with no knowledge of past lives but somehow still under the crux of my past lives; a fucking curse i say. assuming i then became a devout hindu and followed the teachings of gautama buddha to the T, racking up a bitchin' list of good deeds, it would all have been for someone else, who according to the samsara is actually me but according to honest opinion is really fucking somebody else. and that fucker better be a nice guy too lest my next life be weighed down by the heavy hand of the cosmic PriceWaterhouseCoopers,LLcP (limited liability cosmic company). obviously the concept of causality in samsara was conceived as a/an dis/incentive. really now, are we supposed to be good for the sake of others' happiness or our own? this kind of crap really fucks with my head keeps me awake at night.

then the vedas talks about exiting the curse of the infinite cycle by attaining nirvana which i would liken to having a bafunkajillion orgasms simultaneously but also consecutively in a time period of negative infinity. and we will achieve nirvana when we finally accept our situations and wish for no more of impermanent things, like money, fame, power etc. ahh conformism really sums it up: wanting what we think everyone else wants. chameleons of the same colour.

funny how karma encourages its own perpetuation and destruction, that on one hand it ensures the propagation of the samsara knowing people are inherently sin abounding, and on the other hand challenging them to transcend the wheel of fuck...which is mindblowing considering if everyone was nirvanic,

HOW THE HELL CAN WE CONTROL THEIR ACTIONS WITH THREATS OF BAD LUCK NOW?