love aircon love it

"aiyooooh so cold, don't know how you sleep in the fridge!"

mooncake overload

"aiyoh! look at the moon, what happened to it? today is 8-15 the moon should be big and round...why is it so small?!"

cos you ate all of it already.

on being a good son

lets go korea end of the year.

"korea? i thought you say go holiday dont want to go anywhere in asia?"

korea can.

"you know i dont like all those cold places--why you want to go korea? skiiing ah. want to go skiing ah.?"

among other things.

"dont want la skiiing. so dangerous. i dont want to go holiday then have to worry about you all. holiday is to relax not worry."

dont worry la. die then die lor.

"talk nonsense. what? i give birth to you so difficult then you just die ah."

difficult meh i thought caesarean.

"talk nonsense. so easy then you go cut your stomach. how can you die before me. that is very unfilial. dont you dare."

so in order to be a good boy i must die after you...

"yes."

ok.

you know youre old when

• you cant touch your toes like you could 10 years ago
• you get weird cramps when you try to sit cross-legged
• you get piercing knee pains when you kneel down on hard ground
• your hip hurts against the floor when you stop kneeling and try to lie down instead
• you get backaches just from sitting down
• nothing on tv excites you anymore
• nothing on fhm excites you anymore
• you stop listening to rock music or anything with drums in it
• hawker uncles no longer call you xiao di di or shuai ge but lao ban instead
• your face is constantly oily
• you start seeing varicose veins on the back of your leg
• you cant remember the last time you didnt have eyebags
• you cant remember what you ate for breakfast
• you start eating certain foods to help you shit better
• your mother starts bribing you to get a gf 

 "its ok, its an investment--just like your education!"

take me to my mother

"Why your name put Sunday in the cell? Why you want to be in the cell? Sunday go to church and be blessed!"

"Ok."

on christmas drunkenness and acting cute

group convo with sis and mum:

seriously jiang zhen de.

rules

so i met my mother at the station and we walked home

"greg, i got half day tomorrow you know, so how? what should we do?"

"christmas eve not public holiday meh?"

"noooooo la! half day lah. oh ya my boss gave me some wine." i carry the paper bag. it has two bottles of red. sui.

"aiyah why never think...should go and take tomorrow off whaaaaat..."

"you think i dunno ah? i want also cannot. they already announce to the whole office 'anybody who take half day off on the eve will be deducted as one full day,' heyuh what kind of rule is dat?!"

"suay.."

"SUAY SUAY KIO AH!"

oopszxz.

coke coke coke

so its last friday and mum comes home from work with goodies and stuff and opens the fridge and she assplodes from the kitchen

"GREEEEEEEEEGGGGGGG!"

"What."

"What 'what'.? I come home never call mummy ah?"

"Orh. Mummy."

"Why you buy Coke again ah? I told you to stop buying Coke right? Buy your stupid Coke put here in the fridge then no space to put anything."

"No space cos you got 30 avocadoes inside."

"NO!" (most matter-of-fact NO ever) "Your stupid Coke block the whole fridge. I keep telling you don't buy Coke. So much sugar all sugar sugar. LOR SI, know, really."

"WAH LAO EH Coke Zero® la no sugar la..."

"NONSENSE!"(again said with such conviction that i was convinced for 1 second) "Coke Coke Coke everytime Coke. Diabetes then you know!"

"Coke Zero® la no sugar la sweet la but no sugar la bo nao ehhh..."

"Simi bo nao. Li ka bo nao ah." (we both start to laugh)

"Noooooo shuuuuuugerr...noooo shuuuggerrr."

"Stop buying your stupid Coke."

"Coke Coke Coke?"

"Yah. You and your Coke Coke Coke."