do you want a bigger penis? do you? huh, punk? hey ladies, i'm asking ya, want a bigger dick? no? well, question wasn't meant for you anyway. so...you looking for a relationship?
for every spam email you receive there are another five million delivered to our sad internet friends. out of the 5 million, 50,000 are expected to be opened, much to the dismay of the younger generation. of this, 500 noobs will actually follow the links and be raped internetically. wow, new word.
spam is retarded, its insanity exceeded only by those who are hooked by its cheap tactics. the only reason it exists today in Schwarzenegger proportions is due to its dependence on human stupidity (a very reliable foundation of science). and because it relies on retards to ensure its commercial viability for the spammer, the amount of outgoing emails number in the millions.
that is why i received over 10 emails per hour on my previous hotmail account. 'previous' because i abandoned it 4-5 years ago. deleting crap emails was a chore. beside, it was a good reason to dump the account because telling it to friends was an embarrassment. speaking of embarrassing email names, you might agree why you wouldn't want to admit to strangers or place on your name-card 'handsome_dude_81@yahoo.com', 'kissmyass@hotmail.com', 'ilovesex@aol.com' or 'backstreetboy_jonathan@msn.com'.
(gal online): hi, 21/F/Singapore.. asl?
(dude online): lolz hi. 22/m sembawang hahahax
>>>fastforward 2 hours of chatting>>>
(gal online): so..it was nice chatting with ya. exchange emails?
(dude online): wah. just mit tmr here same channer same time lorh.. u bz ah?
(gal online): hail_chan@hotmail.com
(dude online): uhh.. realy muz have my email ahh?
(dude online): ok lor.. pornoboi_84@hotmail.com
(gal offline): <[user disconnected]>
(dude online): harlow?
well then, the only reason anyone would use pornoboi as an email name would be if it was used as a dummy account to sign up for crappy websites which are slightly useful to you but not worth the trouble to use your real email for. dummy accounts. among the most useful lessons for a net user is dummy email accounts to collect all the spam you wouldn't want going into your "real" inbox. thank you neopets for teaching me that lesson. bloody hell. 'Click Me And Get Free 500 Neopoints!'. More like 'Sign up, get your email address sold for half-a-cent, and then six months later wish you were burning in a vat of boiling tar! And also free 500NP...'
i have a dummy email account with yahoomail, and its composed entirely out of numbers. nobody judges numbers. nobody will look at you funny if you told them your email was 0834915200@yahoo.com. but they will definitely judge you to the inner circle of hell should you write pornoboi@mail on your namecard.
then again, i shouldn't have to go through all this trouble to create dummy accounts for the safety of gregmatic@hotmail (prrreecciiiiiiousssssss). it should be the spammers doing the extra work. i hope they have hard lives. i hope they get caught and sued and put in prison, where the inmates have large penises and are looking for relationships. good luck and have fun then, assholes!
Monday, July 10, 2006
Friday, March 10, 2006
the meaning of life
i woke up at 9am to take my morning pee. whilst doing so i noticed a small fly in the toilet bowl, stuck to the parabolic inside, as if trapped. its the kind of insect that has wings but doesnt seem to want to use them. i think it was a large fruit fly. well i was thinking about what it reall was and at the same time trying to shoot it down with urine.
it doesnt seem like a nice thing to do to a lazy trapped fly, but it was an early morning and i was just beginning to wake up. normally, guys just piss into the bowl. it's a rather straighforward, mundane process. it becomes an amusing activity however, if there appears a target to be shot (fruit fly). the brain is also engaged when the fly starts darting around the curved porcelain surface of death, causing the golden laser to keep missing despite repeated aiming effort. my brain was happy, but if anyone were to see me trying to piss-kill that fly this morning, all they would notice is my nonchalant face. my mind is going hey hey hey stop moving bugger hey come back...
i suddenly snap out of my morning stupor, realising quickly that my bladder is not an infinite reservoir, ergo, i am running out of urine to kill that bastard. at this point it is literally an uphill battle for the lil' fly. he died promptly, and sank to the bottom of the bowl. and i didn't flush.
then i had an epiphany. what is the purpose of that fly, which God had created? i would presume that if the fly had escaped the bowl it would have been lizard food. if it died anyway from drowning it would have been free resources for bacteria. if the fly had not got into that hell-hole in the first place it would have gone to eat some bananas on my dinner table, reproduced, and facilitated the propagation of its species. but what is the role of the new baby fruit flies in society? i do not know, save the two routes that its life might follow: death or successful reproduction. either way, the fruit fly will inevitably be food for someone else, whether a snack now, or more snacks in the future.
what is the purpose of the mango tree or the worms that plague it? both species are caught in an endless cycle of life and death. the worm helps the tree to die, and the butterfly will help the tree to reproduce.
death is inevitable and all species will do their best to survive even at the expense of another organism. but the purpose of that organism's life; the meaning of life; the significance of each living being's existence, is but for another. your have your life so that you may help others. it is only through this way that you can achieve survivability of your species, not just yourself. this is true civility.
only humans have the propensity to understand this. those who do not are animals.
like me.
it doesnt seem like a nice thing to do to a lazy trapped fly, but it was an early morning and i was just beginning to wake up. normally, guys just piss into the bowl. it's a rather straighforward, mundane process. it becomes an amusing activity however, if there appears a target to be shot (fruit fly). the brain is also engaged when the fly starts darting around the curved porcelain surface of death, causing the golden laser to keep missing despite repeated aiming effort. my brain was happy, but if anyone were to see me trying to piss-kill that fly this morning, all they would notice is my nonchalant face. my mind is going hey hey hey stop moving bugger hey come back...
i suddenly snap out of my morning stupor, realising quickly that my bladder is not an infinite reservoir, ergo, i am running out of urine to kill that bastard. at this point it is literally an uphill battle for the lil' fly. he died promptly, and sank to the bottom of the bowl. and i didn't flush.
then i had an epiphany. what is the purpose of that fly, which God had created? i would presume that if the fly had escaped the bowl it would have been lizard food. if it died anyway from drowning it would have been free resources for bacteria. if the fly had not got into that hell-hole in the first place it would have gone to eat some bananas on my dinner table, reproduced, and facilitated the propagation of its species. but what is the role of the new baby fruit flies in society? i do not know, save the two routes that its life might follow: death or successful reproduction. either way, the fruit fly will inevitably be food for someone else, whether a snack now, or more snacks in the future.
what is the purpose of the mango tree or the worms that plague it? both species are caught in an endless cycle of life and death. the worm helps the tree to die, and the butterfly will help the tree to reproduce.
death is inevitable and all species will do their best to survive even at the expense of another organism. but the purpose of that organism's life; the meaning of life; the significance of each living being's existence, is but for another. your have your life so that you may help others. it is only through this way that you can achieve survivability of your species, not just yourself. this is true civility.
only humans have the propensity to understand this. those who do not are animals.
like me.
Monday, December 12, 2005
hello, racism?
in the news
SYDNEY, Australia-Racial Unrest Strikes Australia
what is up with racism today? i thought it was just random shit with the recent French racist party weeks ago. is this becoming a trend?
i bet the singapore government is quivering with fear. racial harmony has been a gripping issue for *them* for the past few decades. they have been so active to preserve the peace that i feel stupid for them. no chewing gum no bar-top dancing no racism. bullshit.
as if we need to be told that racism is scum. the main chunk of racially-motivated criminals are already dead or rotting in nursing homes. our dear old government does not need to remind us of racial harmony just to keep the peace. the more they stir up this shit the cloudier the toilet water gets. and it doesnt smell sexy.
nobody thinks of Race as a factor of life except when it's Racial Harmony Day. what, we have to be extra nice to our Malay and Indian friends today? wear a sarong and suddenly be more culturally aware of a fellow ethnic group? bullshit. what naive hypocrisy and callous reality representation. we don't need faceless national ceremonies to print morals into the Singaporean mind. we need to mix the people and shut the World War II survivors up.
everyone should forget about the racial aspect for once. moral education, the failure of the MOE. the only thing that embarrasses me more is the Kiasu Effect, exclusively observed among singaporeans.
SYDNEY, Australia-Racial Unrest Strikes Australia
what is up with racism today? i thought it was just random shit with the recent French racist party weeks ago. is this becoming a trend?
i bet the singapore government is quivering with fear. racial harmony has been a gripping issue for *them* for the past few decades. they have been so active to preserve the peace that i feel stupid for them. no chewing gum no bar-top dancing no racism. bullshit.
as if we need to be told that racism is scum. the main chunk of racially-motivated criminals are already dead or rotting in nursing homes. our dear old government does not need to remind us of racial harmony just to keep the peace. the more they stir up this shit the cloudier the toilet water gets. and it doesnt smell sexy.
nobody thinks of Race as a factor of life except when it's Racial Harmony Day. what, we have to be extra nice to our Malay and Indian friends today? wear a sarong and suddenly be more culturally aware of a fellow ethnic group? bullshit. what naive hypocrisy and callous reality representation. we don't need faceless national ceremonies to print morals into the Singaporean mind. we need to mix the people and shut the World War II survivors up.
everyone should forget about the racial aspect for once. moral education, the failure of the MOE. the only thing that embarrasses me more is the Kiasu Effect, exclusively observed among singaporeans.
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
that irritating cousin...
think of this. have you ever had those frustratingly annoying verbal battles with that irrtating cousin to whom you would say that he or she was stupid and s/he would tell you that you were stupid x2 and you correct yourself with a "you're stupid x4" etc? neither have I.
but hypothetically though, if the argument were to ever grow to such scale of infinity, that's where the real trouble begins. for example the debate would reach the point where you say to the damned cousin, "You're infinitely stupid. Infinity!" And you sprawl around in your apparent increase in IQ for a mere 65 nanoseconds before that bitch of a son replies with a "You're infinitely stupid x2."
I'm like WTF, mate? ^^
how can there be a number larger than infinity? It is the largest number set known to man. Say a circle is composed of an infinite number of points. Does a bigger circle have more points? If you took four seconds to ponder this and read the sentence more than once, then your brain is probably smaller than the first circle. not convinced? (about the paradox, dummy. the second theory is proven.)
ask yourself this: of all positive whole numbers, are there more non-squares than perfect squares? a perfect square is like 4(2²), 36(6²), or 100(10²). a non-square (no whole roots) is something like 6, 11 or 69(ooh). i think you understand numbers since you know how to operate a computer. so are you going to read all this and not answer the question? are there more rootless numbers than numbers with roots?
a typical internet moron deduces that there are 10 perfect squares from 1 to 100, including the said numbers (although the moron didn't say it out loud I still wonder). so out of 100 integers, only 10 are squares. from 1 to 10000 there are only a measly 100 squares. "Surely the answer to HRH's dumbfounding question is a resounding YES?" you say. that's where I come in with my rattan cane to whip your ears, and truly inaugurate you into the hall of internet morons.
as i whip your ears, learn that for every integer, there is a square for it. and for every square number there is a root. therefore for every single non-square number in the positive infinity series, there is one corresponding square number. still think the answer is YES? you deserve to be deboned with crooked chopsticks and roasted on a faulty bunsen burner.
the moron is named thusly because within the boundaries of the infinity series (which is ironically lacking a boundary), he still chooses groups of 100 or 10000 integers to test the question. MORON! infinity cannot be tested with the words 'larger' or 'smaller'. only your lop-sided half-brain can be!
so i tell all of this to my asshat cousin, who looks at me dumbfoundedly with a "WTF, mate. ^^" look. i finally won that bastard of a daughter. infinity cannot be topped off with an infinity x2 you snotty retard! while i am LOL-ing in my head for just over 3.14159 microseconds i hear a brain-shrinking, eye squinting, scrotum burning, ass-clenching retort:
"Ya. But you still stupider."
giveup sia.
but hypothetically though, if the argument were to ever grow to such scale of infinity, that's where the real trouble begins. for example the debate would reach the point where you say to the damned cousin, "You're infinitely stupid. Infinity!" And you sprawl around in your apparent increase in IQ for a mere 65 nanoseconds before that bitch of a son replies with a "You're infinitely stupid x2."
I'm like WTF, mate? ^^
how can there be a number larger than infinity? It is the largest number set known to man. Say a circle is composed of an infinite number of points. Does a bigger circle have more points? If you took four seconds to ponder this and read the sentence more than once, then your brain is probably smaller than the first circle. not convinced? (about the paradox, dummy. the second theory is proven.)
ask yourself this: of all positive whole numbers, are there more non-squares than perfect squares? a perfect square is like 4(2²), 36(6²), or 100(10²). a non-square (no whole roots) is something like 6, 11 or 69(ooh). i think you understand numbers since you know how to operate a computer. so are you going to read all this and not answer the question? are there more rootless numbers than numbers with roots?
a typical internet moron deduces that there are 10 perfect squares from 1 to 100, including the said numbers (although the moron didn't say it out loud I still wonder). so out of 100 integers, only 10 are squares. from 1 to 10000 there are only a measly 100 squares. "Surely the answer to HRH's dumbfounding question is a resounding YES?" you say. that's where I come in with my rattan cane to whip your ears, and truly inaugurate you into the hall of internet morons.
as i whip your ears, learn that for every integer, there is a square for it. and for every square number there is a root. therefore for every single non-square number in the positive infinity series, there is one corresponding square number. still think the answer is YES? you deserve to be deboned with crooked chopsticks and roasted on a faulty bunsen burner.
the moron is named thusly because within the boundaries of the infinity series (which is ironically lacking a boundary), he still chooses groups of 100 or 10000 integers to test the question. MORON! infinity cannot be tested with the words 'larger' or 'smaller'. only your lop-sided half-brain can be!
so i tell all of this to my asshat cousin, who looks at me dumbfoundedly with a "WTF, mate. ^^" look. i finally won that bastard of a daughter. infinity cannot be topped off with an infinity x2 you snotty retard! while i am LOL-ing in my head for just over 3.14159 microseconds i hear a brain-shrinking, eye squinting, scrotum burning, ass-clenching retort:
"Ya. But you still stupider."
giveup sia.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
when is the best time to use vulgarities?
well let me show you a few examples in which it's the right time to say some nasty stuff.
"What the fuck was that?" - Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945
"Where did all those fucking Indians come from?" - Custer, 1877
"Any fucking idiot could understand that." - Einstein, 1938
"It does so fucking look like her!" - Pablo Picasso, 1926
"How the fuck did you work that out?" - Pythagoras, 126 BC
"You want WHAT on the fucking ceiling?" - Michelangelo, 1566
"Where the fuck are we?" - Amelia Earhart, 1937
"Scattered fucking showers, my ass!" - Noah, 4314 BC
"Aw c'mon. Who the fuck is going to find out?" - Bill Clinton, 1999
"He fucking tried to kill my daddy!" - George W. Bush, 2002
"Where are the fucking WMDs?!" - UN, 2003
"Oh, fuck." - Saddam Hussein, 2003
"Geez, I didn't think they'd get this fucking mad." - Osama bin Laden, 2001
yes, indeed 'fuck' is about the most versatile word in the English language. it is by its own worth a noun, pronoun, verb, adverb, adjective, clause, subject etc. it survives in any context, with or without oxygen.
right. although one of the favourites in my arsenal of gentle expletives, "fuck" still does not top "cheebye" (or "chibai", "cibai"... as socially inferior classes spell it) as the most special word in my special box of vocabs. there is a unique aura that surrounds this word. it just sounds powerful when you say it. CHEEBYE. a slow ch- intonation followed by a very abrupt and 'fuck-you-in-the-face' BYE resonance. the fact that it is not as adulterated as the word 'fuck' has only increased the emotional and aural value of 'cheebye'. the word should therefore be used sparingly and not so fucking freely as the average vulgarity in order to preserve its value.
when you are running in the house and accidentally ram a toe into the teak furniture, thats a greenlight. CHEEEEEBYE.
or if you close a door and dimwittedly leave a pinky in the hinges. FUCK LA CHEEEBYE.
length of the CHEEEEEE reverbation can be modulated according to the level of fucked-up'ness of the situation.
remember kids, dont overuse it, or we will end up with another very useful but meaningless word such as 'fuck'. the cheebye is precious. treasure it. caress it. dream of it. worship the cheebye, but dont overexert it.
and selamat hari raya to our muslim friends. yay. ya and cheers to our indian buddies too.
"What the fuck was that?" - Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945
"Where did all those fucking Indians come from?" - Custer, 1877
"Any fucking idiot could understand that." - Einstein, 1938
"It does so fucking look like her!" - Pablo Picasso, 1926
"How the fuck did you work that out?" - Pythagoras, 126 BC
"You want WHAT on the fucking ceiling?" - Michelangelo, 1566
"Where the fuck are we?" - Amelia Earhart, 1937
"Scattered fucking showers, my ass!" - Noah, 4314 BC
"Aw c'mon. Who the fuck is going to find out?" - Bill Clinton, 1999
"He fucking tried to kill my daddy!" - George W. Bush, 2002
"Where are the fucking WMDs?!" - UN, 2003
"Oh, fuck." - Saddam Hussein, 2003
"Geez, I didn't think they'd get this fucking mad." - Osama bin Laden, 2001
yes, indeed 'fuck' is about the most versatile word in the English language. it is by its own worth a noun, pronoun, verb, adverb, adjective, clause, subject etc. it survives in any context, with or without oxygen.
right. although one of the favourites in my arsenal of gentle expletives, "fuck" still does not top "cheebye" (or "chibai", "cibai"... as socially inferior classes spell it) as the most special word in my special box of vocabs. there is a unique aura that surrounds this word. it just sounds powerful when you say it. CHEEBYE. a slow ch- intonation followed by a very abrupt and 'fuck-you-in-the-face' BYE resonance. the fact that it is not as adulterated as the word 'fuck' has only increased the emotional and aural value of 'cheebye'. the word should therefore be used sparingly and not so fucking freely as the average vulgarity in order to preserve its value.
when you are running in the house and accidentally ram a toe into the teak furniture, thats a greenlight. CHEEEEEBYE.
or if you close a door and dimwittedly leave a pinky in the hinges. FUCK LA CHEEEBYE.
length of the CHEEEEEE reverbation can be modulated according to the level of fucked-up'ness of the situation.
remember kids, dont overuse it, or we will end up with another very useful but meaningless word such as 'fuck'. the cheebye is precious. treasure it. caress it. dream of it. worship the cheebye, but dont overexert it.
and selamat hari raya to our muslim friends. yay. ya and cheers to our indian buddies too.
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