i reject your reality and substitute my own!

the unhypocrites part deux

people dont want to hear the truth, only to bathe themselves in the waters that that reinforce their existing beliefs in thought and behaviour. why should they? why accept a negative truth if it disrupts a perception of oneself when one can simply punt it in swift denial and preserve one's self-worth?

ignore ignore ignore. if the truth is too conspicuous, deny deny deny. if the evidence is overwhelming, resist resist resist.

once upon a time humans were shepherds and farmers. either the rain fell and your crops grew or the sun scorched and you endured hunger. that was truth. there was no running away.

reality is so much larger and more complex. we have the youtube, twitter, blackberries and iphones. pubs, bars, clubs. churches, schools, rights organisations. POLITICS. back in the day our neighbour was our friend, be it Bob the Spinach Farmer, or Frank the Cattle Rancher. today, cities are so huge we can choose our friends. nerds hang out with nerds, lesbians hang out with lesbians, christians hang out with christians, alcoholics hang out with alcoholics, homophobes hang out with homophobes, extroverts hang out with extroverts, conservatives hang out with conservatives, atheists hang out with atheists, vegetarians hang out with vegetarians and the same old people hang out with the same old people and all they ever learn is that they cant learn to accept others.

you name it--people do it; we choose our company in ways that allow us to fabricate our own truths. the larger our company, the stronger we feel. if our fragile world was ever threatened, we run back to our gossamer web of self-deceit for safety and security. if one friend gave us a so-called truth that ran counter to our predetermined truth we stop associating with them; we keep our truth, and we discard the so-called truth and the then also, the so-called friend. in our childish zest for worldly security we cling on to incomplete beliefs in choice against real truth, against even family...

"They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law."

as you fulfill this prophecy, would your steadfastness be described as bullish stubbornness or rock-like confidence? something tells me that the answer depends on the people you surround yourself with. they can be the most trustworthy of peoples, but can they be trusted to tell you the truth? are you even interested in the truth? or do you already have your truth?

:)

watermelon

i dreamt of a family of watermelons, there were five of them. the father melon was the biggest and not as green as the rest--slightly yellow, and his name was Gomez. the mother melon was named Nona and the three children watermelons, one was named Pova and another Gerho!, yes with an exclamation mark, and the third i cannot recall.

i remember waking and keeping my eyes closed while i tried to burn those names, and their order, into my memory. it was an image of two racks of watermelons, and the second rack was an alternate duplicate of the first, and those had different names, with the exception of the mother watermelons--both were named Nona. needless to say, i could only remember, if only partially, the names of the first set of names and i doubt it would have turned out any different if i had a pen and paper next to me the moment i woke.

the watermelon family was substantively linked to a simultaneous dream, in which a father was killed by a robber, and that man's wife held me captive. and because all of this was such a sad sight; this world of a broken family was replaced by a new set from an alternate universe; this is where the second set of watermelons come in.

for reasons unknown, new Gomez was nowhere to be found; this supposedly new family was still incomplete. i neglected to question this, but somehow i was still in a captive situation. oh did i mention that all of this was happening in my house? anyway the gun that was used to subdue me in universe one was now lying unattended in universe two. it was a silver Glock-ish type which rattled like a homemade piece.

i checked the clip--it contained two rounds. i noticed the magazine was similar to one of those hand-held sweet-dispensing thingies you buy at 7-11. the bullets were also shaped like sweets--rather button cell batteries--LR44 to be exact. coincidentally, two of these are precisely what you need to power a Digimon device. i digress.

i load the clip back in and cock the slide. it is worryingly rattly, and i doubt the safety mechanism is safe at all so i point it down at all times. new Nona bursts through my room door and i point the gun at her. she has a knife and she lifts it up, whether to defend herself or attempt at matching my threat, i did not put much thought into at the time. she tells me i dont have to do this, and that my false imprisonment was not her first choice but last resort. she was trying to convince me that if it were up to her she would have let me go, but part of me could not let loose the possibility that she, or anyone for that matter, would say anything to get out of the stare of a loaded barrel. i put two in her chest. suddenly i doubt her no more, but it is too late.

i was free. but then i realised it wasnt what i really wanted anyway--to be free. now i had neither father nor mother. no Gomez, no Nona. and i look down and i see two racks of watermelons, and their names appear and i know i am far too rational at this point to remain in this dream; i start to drift into consciousness and i try in vain to record their names. i know i am awake now but i keep my eyes closed to preserve the image.

Gomez, Nona, Pova, Gerho!, nine names and i only remember four. at this point i am quite certain the other five did not even appear for me to remember; but that is one of the things that will never be proven.

flaw

if there is a chance for my thoughts to be misunderstood i will not consider it
if there is a chance for my words to be misquoted i will not say it
if there is a chance for my intentions to be doubted, i will not do it

and i will forever be nothing because my discipline overwhelms my hopes.

sunday apothecary

potion #18

a little bit of rabbit and a bit of cat,

a dash of sheep and wolf--yes we like it like that

a teaspoon of cumin to put in whats nice;

and to take care of naughty, pepper's the spice

a swig of vodka and a dribble of martell

ice cubes and music to strengthen the spell

prairie dog and mother hen,

a chunk of both then count to ten

now point the flask to canis major

and heat the elixir with a big laser

a slice of snake and a cut of mouse

now enjoy the aroma that fills my house

so borrow a ladle and mix in well,

and while it's hot go steal a smell

for the finishing touch is drawing near,

now into the pot a keg of beer

 

a pinch of paprika to lend it some bite,

oh this table, needle i light

~

meaning of lies

lies can be pretty destructive. a lot of times people lie for personal gain, and a fact of humanity is that gain for one almost always comes at some expense in the form of loss to one other, or God forbid, many others. this loss materialises economically, socially, emotionally etc; whatever the case lies are usually selfish. almost always--though not always. but the fact that they sometimes are is reason enough that lies per se are so frowned upon in the religious context.

but there are true white lies--the ones that are created for selfless reasons. again, they dont always work; sometimes even white lies fail and implode with disastrous consequences, which is reason why there are still some who dont believe in white lies at all. "lies are lies, all of them are sin." but in a philosophical view, nothing is black and white isnt it? after all it is easy to note that the only reasons white lies can fail is that most people are simply bad at lying. whether or not this is a good thing  is a thought beyond what i am interested in right now.

what i am invested in is my belief that selfish lies are unacceptable while selfless lies are the necessary gears in the human sociomachine; the first precept founded upon the truth that selfish thinking reduces the overall quality of a group of lives regardless of the improvement of one life, the second based my observation that not every person is mentally equipped to accept whole truths (about themselves, others, life, God etc). some people must be lied to for their own sake. i can preempt any reader's reaction here, "i know i can handle the truth, so i do not want anyone to lie to me for any reason," and i can also say that no one who has lied in his or her lifetime deserves to think that thought. we have reasons for lying to certain people, and so have certain people reasons for lying to us. yes, i am willing to accept that sometimes some things should be willfully obscured from me, with my only wish being that those lying to me were better at it.

after all, its pretty shitty to discover lies against ourselves. sometimes its so shitty that our primal reactions of hurt, confusion and betrayal obscure our objectivities, and we become mired in a swamp of paranoia that prevents us from asking ourselves why we were lied to in the first place--victims of lies are not always innocent, and they rarely see this while their eyes are clouded with anger. of course, it would be even worse if there was a faulty belief that all lies are evil to begin with...if such were the case, then this perfect storm only spells destruction for their futures: woe to those who found out they were lied to! they would be completely shattered, wouldnt they? and because lies are inevitable and unavoidable, the only way to ensure our emotional survival as potential victims of lies is to break out of primitive instincts and embrace not all lies against us are truly against us.

well there is another way to survive: complete social isolation. my sister once asked me what kind of crazy person i would be if i were truly insane. i said i would be that weird old guy who lived alone and had neighbours who were so afraid to approach him for fear of getting shot at with a shotgun, but i digress.

lies are the cogs that make proper human interaction sustainable. realistically, it is not up to us to eliminate lies forever, but it would be defeatist if i stopped here. au contraire, it could definitely be in our interest to become ethical liars who do so at our own expense for the good of others. but this would be tricky, as we would constantly be in temptation to fall back into the shadow of black lies. thats why your religious leader would say, "better not to lie at all."

but i would say, yes, learn to speak silence only, and after you fail, then learn to channel your inherently sinful nature for the sake of good (white lies), but before that, learn to stop lying to yourself. after all there is no meaning in a life of self destruction.

ps  18 aug 2010 this post was mistakenly named meaning of life part cinq. this is actually part six in the meaning of life series.