a list of scenarios in increasing order of ability to incite in me a willingness to help:
1. person refusing help upon insisting there is no problem
2. person refusing action unpon insisting the problem would solve itself
3. person insisting to self that the problem is not as great as it is
4. person in confusion over partial denial of situation
5. person asking for clarification of confusion while maintaining resistance
6. person abanoning denial/resistance for any available solution
7. person actively choosing best solution from multiple availables
the worst turnoff is a straight denial of current reality. if it were true, it would imply an extraneous presence on my part in such a matter in the first place. obviously, there has been a problem. it would follow that the first step to all problem-solving maneuvres is 'acknowledgement of the problem'. it is so obvious that this step is often taken for granted and forgotten in favour of 'identification of the problem', but psychology 101 teaches of the innate defensive behaviour of minds. to a certain extent, skepticism provides for a robust psyche, but unattended, it would prove counterproductive by stalling psychological maturity associated with the ability to accept undesired outcomes, an all too common aspect of that which we call life. it is to my understanding that a runaway psychological defense mechanism activated too early in life causes a rampant and unhealthy situation resulting in certain adults with grey hair being less mature than some children.
i have heard anecdotal accounts of such scenarios, and the corresponding conjecture that maturity is not a function of age--to some extent that is true, as i have somewhat explained above. on the other hand time is the only vector associated with the movevent a psyche, all other factors are simply barriers against time. these barriers may be social, sexual, financial, et cetera. it is even more likely that factors are interrelated, as freud might say, one could be psychosexually affected enough to become impeded against psychological maturation. whether being psychologically mature is a Natural goal of biology is beyond the current scope, yet i am willing to venture that this goal is not easy to obtain, judging from the small number of such individuals in society. how many truly mature people do you know in your life? as a percentage of all your known acquaintances, who is truly flawless, truly free from the ugly sides human behaviour? the percentage is small, and at this point i bet my hat that these same people do not indulge in delusions.
delusions of grandeur, delusions of security, delusions of relationships, delusions of God, all encompassed by the umbrella delusion of Need. practically these needs can be categorised a-la maslow, with a distinctive characteristic of linearity. maslow purported that psychological development progresses through stages sequentially and without skipping based upon fulfilled criteria needs. these needs interestingly progress from tangible to intangible needs.
im writing today wondering what if: what if one could somehow ascend the stages without fulfilling needs but rather by eliminating them? i am not suggesting that we eliminate our need for food, water, clothing and shelter, but rather that we eliminate our delusion of need to secure those tangibles. most of us here today, especially those who have the opportunity to read this, have no real issue with obtaining tangible needs. yet i struggle to understand how most of us are not already at or near the top of maslow's pyramid pursuing the intangible instead.
this brings me back to the few who have conquered this summit, the same people ive asked you, the reader to identify in your life. how have they done it? have they honestly a greater ability than everyone else to secure the lower tiers of the maslow hierarchy, or have they just learnt to let go of what everyone else loves abit too much? these people always seem to be steps ahead, never being troubled by the things we normal people are troubled by, like grandparents. do they not have the same tangible needs that we do? food, water, clothing, shelter--we all need the same tangible things. yet old people are always ahead, eyes looking up and far, not down and around like our young eyes. when we fix our eyes, it is only on them; we look at them submissively, as if to ask, "what do i do now?"
it is my understanding that the tiers of maslow's pyramid are not steps that push us up one level the minute we fulfill a certain criteria. no: each level is an increasing challenge of ball and chain that we must break free from or forever be mired in, such as the middle-aged mother who always grumbles about money or the balding bachelor who always frowns about his looks. yes, the hierarchy is not a map on how to go up, its a guide of how not to get stuck down there. eureka, my friends.
some of us are lucky to be hit by financial hardship, heartbreak, family dissolution, or extended time away from familiar people. the solitude takes us away from people common to us in the same level of maslow's hierarchy of psychological imprisonment. sometimes we only think about things when we are forced to think. in all of these situations we become different from everyone else and become truly alone. this solitude is key for self-reflection and the ultimate internal resolution to yearn for progress via change.
there are many out there who have been leading comfortable lives in vicious circles. they have learnt to obtain comfort by explaining their problems away. they live in viscious comfort, and reading many selfhelp forums tonight, i cant help but shed a tear for those who have admitted they have a problem and are desperately reaching out to anyone who might grab them, and in the corner of my eye i wonder what will happen to the rest who throughout their entire lives have yet to try step 1. i can only wonder, because i couldnt help them even if i wanted to.
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