some say that the best kind of excitement, the best type of enjoyment, is the kind that comes from getting completely lost in the environment--willfully letting go and letting the environment take over. but it seems to me that this way of living happy is usually the surest and fastest way for one to feel empty soon after the ambience dies down. when the lights come back on and the mr dj puts the record off, the same some people can almost always report of the sudden feeling of loss and afterward either the urge to chase a louder music in the future or the slightly unshakeable suspicion that all of it is just a drug that they dont want to take any longer. sometimes, weirdly both.
we are all suckers for security. yet strangely enough we enjoy losing control, and like a pendulum we yearn for stability as soon as we lose it. we are definitely a contradictory bunch. so it seems to be the best move that we choose the right thing or things to let control us. one caveat: that those things be more reliable than ourselves--that those things be worth more to us than ourselves. from off the top of my head i cannot really find more than one thing to which i am willing to submit control. and to everything else, when i enjoy it, i also enjoy without losing much of myself.
im quite prepared to accept that this means i will never experience the best kind of excitement, the best kind of enjoyment. after all, everything has a price. my satisfaction is in complete awareness.
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